Emily,

I have never written a letter like this in my entire life, but andy thought it might be benificient to do so. So I dont know how to really do this.. but I'm going to give it a shot about how I feel. I didn't know how to tell you this to you face to face.. because I coudlnt find the words.. this was the only way I could put all my thoughts together. I have to get this out of me.. it has been bottled up inside of me for the last year. I hope you find it somewhere inside of you to listen to this letter and not to think that it is one last desperate attempt to win you cause that's not what I'm about. All I ever did was like you with all of my heart and it's like I am being punished by you (and everyone else that knows). Why, I don't know. I can't think of anything I have done to you to make you feel this way. I know you do'nt know how much I feel for you.. for if you did you would not hesitate for some reason only I and god know how much I feel for you and why he chooses to kill my heart and kill my mind over this is so beyond me, I'm not happy anymore, I can't find anything that makes me happy anymore..I know I'm not supposed to question God. but I can't help but think to myself God wants whats best and only you know what's best for you...but it feels like to me by what you have told me and what you have told janelle that if we were together you would be miserable.. but I know that can't be true.. because when we were friends we had so much fun together.. it was great.. Janelle always asks me why I like you soooooo much... and I'm sure you have pondered the same thing..all I can say is ask your dad what it was about your mom that made him like her so much.. ask your grandpa what it was about your grandma... ask anyone why they like someone else as much as they do.. it can't be explained by me.. cause it's what I feel...All i can say is that there is nothing that I wouldn't do..I'd do anything I could for you..and why this is so repellant to you is beyond my comprehention. I have never felt what I have felt this summer.. and I have never hurt like I have hurt this summer. you told andy that you thought I owned you.. I don't think like that.. that is nonsense... I don't own anybody.. nor do I want to own anyone.. I cared for you.. and trusted what you told me on the phone.. that is all... I leave you with this...these words are yours to keep and remember... for one day there will come a time when you feel like the world has turned it's back on you and you feel like no one loves you, I feel that way now. But when this day comes i want you to remember how much someone cared for you, for there will not be another as caring and as loving as what could have been.........

--NathaN--